Sunday, July 11, 2010

I never thought...

*tissue alert* I cried as I typed this, so I'm giving fair warning!

Just being honest...
Roger and I have talked about adoption for the past two years. We have stepped forward a few times, but the door has always shut. We have always considered adopting a child with special needs. We have viewed the children's pictures on numerous times. I have never considered adopting an older child for many reasons. I didn't think we should adopt out of birth order. Older children have already been through so much. I wasn't sure we could deal with all of the issues...especially if we have younger children.

I was really excited to bring Nastia here, but I never thought that I would fall in love with her so hard. I never thought that she would fit in so perfectly with our family. I never thought Lauren could adjust so easily to having an "older" sister. I never thought I could love a complete stranger so quickly, and so completely. I never thought that I would think of her as my daughter. My children are quick to love others, but I thought she would get on their nerves at some point and they would ask when she was leaving. I guess I thought that she would get on my nerves at some point and it wouldn't be so hard to see her go as long as I knew someone could adopt her and she wouldn't end up alone. I never thought that she would be so "normal" and that we wouldn't deal with a lot of issues in the five weeks she is with us. I never thought I would feel this empty spot in my heart when I think about her leaving. I never thought I would dread the empty spot at our table when she is gone. I never thought I would feel this pit in my stomach as I think about waving goodbye to her at the airport. I never thought it would be so hard to let her go.

Do we want to adopt her? Absolutely! How could we not want to adopt her? Are we the family God has for her? We're not so sure. There are so many obstacles in the way. We are expecting a baby in December. The election for State House is August 24, and if Roger wins it will be next to impossible to go to Latvia for 2 weeks, and then make two more trips back to complete the adoption. Do we have the money? Absolutely not! We have nothing extra right now. I know that nothing is impossible with God, but maybe this is another closed door. Maybe God was using us to bring awareness to the 143,000,000 million orphans in the world...and one specific little girl who is so easy to love. Maybe God used us to bring others to a desire to host, or even adopt. Maybe God is using us to introduce Nastia to her forever family.

There is a family who is very interested in adopting her. Although we do not know them personally, we do know that they are very similar to our family, and very excited at the idea of possibly adding Nastia to their family. We know they would love her dearly...forever! I can't give any specifics yet, but please pray that God opens and closes the correct doors, and that everyone involved would heed to His will. As much as I want to be Nastia's forever mom, I know that the most important thing is that she be with the forever family God intends for her. And we are very excited for this prospective family!


  1. Oh my goodness. That was a very tearful read. We hope His will gives everyone their path.

  2. Praying! I know it has to be hard!! Praying God will make the path clear!

  3. Praying for clear answers. You guys are wonderful, and I am proud to call you friend. Isn't amazing how God can give us such an intense love for children we didn't give birth to?

  4. The miracle of adoption is how easily they become your child. Everyone is so afraid of how a child will fit into their family and all the hurrdles they will have to face and it is scary, until yuou hold that child in your arms for the first time and she melts your hears and somehow becomes born into it. Then their are no more adoption issues to deal w/ just son/daughter issues and we all have those. God will place Nastia in the right family. He already knows who they are. Just trust him with his answer and you will see it will work out. His plans are amazing better than we could even imagine don't think about all the hurdels. 3x we came close to adopting before God placed Riyah with us. I was devistated all three times. But Riyah belongs with us. Adoption is a beautiful amazing thing I am so glad you get to experience it and have brung it to the forefront of so many people minds.


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