Monday, August 9, 2010

I miss her

After Ian's bath tonight I went outside to take him for a little walk. As I walked up and down the sidewalk I couldn't help, but think of Nastia. She loved going for walks and riding her bike up and down the sidewalk.

I miss her terribly. Her name is mentioned often in our house. Just this morning Miles said, "I'm getting big just like Nastia." Ian still loves to play this little game in his crib that Nastia played with him every day. I had to console Lauren a lot a few days ago. She asked me not to even mention her name, or anything that begins with the letter "N." We measured Nastia on our door frame where we have measured our other children...even that was pointed out yesterday.

I miss her smile. I miss having her next to me as I make dinner. I miss telling her to go take a shower each night. As crazy as it sounds...I miss doing her laundry. I miss her giggles as she tickles everyone. I miss playing games with her. I miss turning around when I am on the computer and seeing her staring at me. I feel like I am missing out...most of all...I miss going into her room each night and watching her face light up as I walk over to kiss her on the forehead, or cheek, tell her I love her, and that I will see her in the morning.

I wonder how she feels. Is life back to normal for her? Does she miss us? Does she miss a mama coming in to kiss her goodnight? Does she miss the hugs that she was finally starting to enjoy?

Life hasn't "just moved on." I don't want anyone to think that Nastia is "out of sight, out of mind." I miss her...we all do.


  1. In the same boat here. Just posted today about the same thing -- missing Dasha terribly. I even spent an hour just lying in her bed today, soaking in her scent from the pillow. So hard, so very hard...

  2. Take heart Kerry and FaerieMama. Giving of yourselves opened you both to joy and heartache.

    You are to be envied by people who are afraid to take such chances, they are the lonely ones.

    I miss those years.



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